the best dog in the world is now in heaven

that is all i wanted to say.

carpool diaries: torture device with wheels

Jeeps: fun in the sun, wheee when you're alone, or maybe with one other person, driving down the coast into the sunset.

BUT WHEN IT COMES TO CARPOOLS, THEY ARE EVIL.

I sit in the backseat of a Jeep for my carpool. The seats are straight up and down and it's impossible to lean back, much less rest your head on the "head rest."

The seatbelt cuts right across my neck, no matter how I sit. It tightens when we hit bumps, and doesn't loosen up. Every morning we hit one big bump which makes the 2 of us in the backseat go flying up, tightening the belt even more.

By the time I get to work, I can barely breath.

If you are considering being the driver in a carpool, I beg you... choose any other car but the Jeep. Do it for your riders. Please.

carpool diary: crack of dawn

My carpool driver just sent out an email asking if we can leave a half hour early tomorrow morning so he can make a concert after work. THAT MEANS BEING PICKED UP AT 6:40 am.

No thank you.

So that he can make his concert, i lose money because i have to pay anyway, whether i ride with them or not? not cool.

hurrrrmp.

what is going on here, world?

wow, i don't mean to be a bummer, but this is just today:

huh?

Uhh

Eckkk

what?

WHATTTTT?

crawling back into a rainbow colored bubble filled with unicorns, goodbyeeeee.

carpool diaries: in the middle

I drive in a carpool with 3 other people who work for my company. Carpools are weird. You're in close quarters with strangers. Usually car rides are more intimate...friends, family, your favorite music.

I won't disclose any information about my carpool partners, nor will I bad mouth them, because I am sure that they are all nice people. but, i do want to share some of the ..interesting...things I experience. Hence, the carpool diaries has been born.

**
My backseat carpool mate is quite small. however, she takes up an extraordinary amount of space for such a small person. For example, she brings empty boxes home almost every night. she puts them in the seat between us, and my arm is squished by cardboard. on top of this, when there aren't boxes in between us, she likes to sit really close to the middle because for some reason she likes to watch the road from between the seats, instead of looking out her own window.

Neko. Dreams. Sad Songs.

My mid-life crisis is in full swing. Is it too much to ask that my dog be cured of his cancer and that I find a job where I'm challenged, paid, and given the chance to further my career? I'm 40 years old, for god's sake.

sigh. sigh again.

in the meantime, I am searching for things that make me happy. There are some, believe it or not. Here's a few:



PUPPEH!

BIG PUPPEH!

This doesn't make me "happy" but makes me happy I now I have a carpool, even if it does pick me up at 7 am.



TWEEDY got adopted! :-)



okay, i'm all happied out.

bye.

CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD.

religeous

hi blog.

so, the wacko-ness don't stop.

check it.

Here's a wacko who kidnapped a girl(s?), and loves, loves, loves him some God. Yep. Seriously, here is one good reason I don't want kids. Kidnapping by a crazed religious nut. I can't think of anything worse.

Here's a pastor who thinks gays should be murdered. "Every gay he's known has been a molester." HMMMM. Most straight pastors have limited experiences with openly gay folks. I wonder where he has been hanging out while his young wife raises his brood of starkly white wonderbread children.

Here's a "politician" who thinks that it's a-okay to discriminate against those pesty homersexuals. (said with a snarl and a drawl).


but you know what? Linda Ronstadt is here to save the day. And, that is gonna keep me going today.

bye!

KaRaZy

people are nuts, but you already knew that, didn't you?

for example:

Another one of these stories.

Ridiculous men.

Disgusting man.

INSANE WOMAN HAS BABY, EATS BABY. "Not in her right mind" might be an understatement. (When are people going to have to take a mental health exam before breeding? I'd like to write the proposal for that law, I tell you.)

Tragic, and one of the reasons why I don't think I should ever have kids. Worst nightmare.

should I go on?...

well, I would, but my lunchbreak is nearing its end.

be careful out there....

new house.

i am in love with my house and don't want to ever leave it. we leave the doors open all the time and the dogs think they are at the Russian River. Anyway, blog, hopefully when we get settled in, I'll write stuff here. Until then, I'm going to walk around my house and touch the walls and stuff.

teef

okay, maybe i am fascinated by teef. here is a sampling of photos either on my wall or on my computer. enjoy.

I can't quit you.

Jane says, "why don't you just quit your blog?"
Well, Jane, that would be too easy, wouldn't it?
Here. Here is another blog update. Funny links and videos. Come on...you love it.

Bible-based Marriage. Take notes, this is history lesson, ya'll:


Is this story for real? Buck up, ol' lady. Drink some milk, stop sobbing.

BRANGIE IS DEAD???

I love some of the comments on this story: "Another individual obsessed with Teh Gay." "Marcarvage is a big closet case. It's been said he goes to more gay events than any gay man." ha ha.

and last but not least, Puddin's kin has been located, and his name is Elvis.


How was that Jane? Good enough?
bye.

here, kill 40 minutes.

Hi blog, have you missed me? I haven't missed you that much because Facebook has been needy and asking me to hang out with it alot.

Anyway, for this episode, I'd like to share some videos that are making me happy. Here goes:



Favorite part: When Neko says she's not giving birth, unless it's to a litter of puppies. Amen! Love you, Neko.



Hysterical. Really, really brilliant.


Almost as good.


Ack! cute!


Cuter still!


this is funny, i wish Puddin' could do this:


OMG, bad parking. funny, until your bumper falls off:


but wait, there's more!


okay, bye!

sorry, blog

i've ignored you so.

update! signing house papers tomorrow and will know when the sellers will be out. GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE!!! hha. Remember Amityville Horror? Maybe we should put some flies in the house and drip blood down the walls.






Speaking of horror films, we (well, I) rented Midnight Meat Train the other night. It was...okay. I just got really annoyed when there was a fist fight. I hate fist fights in horror films.










In other news:
She's kinda pretty, but ...yeah, that's all.


This woman is rad (watch til the end):



question, however. Why the buzz around Katherine McPhee? is she still famous?
I also like how the papz are asking everyone about same sex marriage now. I feel so famous, it's like they're asking about me.

Be careful out there, gay friends. Maybe go somewhere where the Mayor is not a caveman?

This is for SJ, since she totally loves this woman. (snort snort) I thought getting married and having a few litters meant "forever." I am devastated.

This commercial makes me misty.



Please don't become Governor of my home state. I'll give you some sopapillas if you don't.

Warning, this might be the BEST MOVIE EVER MADE.

I know Perez Hilton is doing some good in the world lately by speaking up about gay rights, but even I don't LOVE him.

and last but not least...

NEW CYNDI SONG. wheee!

(bye.)

Nothing says Grown Up...

like changing your renter's insurance to homeowner's insurance. Whoot!!!

other things happening:

I don't have the swine flu (yet), despite coworkers coming in sick (and one is in Mexico on vacation).



this is funny. remember, this is the guy who just had his tongue bit off by a prostitute. whoops:




Ignorant dinosaur speaks about an UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT.

Enlightened woman speaks about equality.

Lie buster.

Miss CA gets uglier.

The Zodiac Killer had a sidekick?


and last but not least, I'm trying on Twitter for kicks. I have a whopping 12 followers. I am taking the internet by storm!!!

ttfn.

bid accepted. i think this is "escrow"...

happiness. yay! stress. anxiety. inspections. loan papers. appraisals. sewer video.

i am just trying to hang in there. and yes, that picture in the last post...that's our new backyard!

okay, to talk about something else for a minute...

in today's news:

STUPID article. "Sisterly love"? gag! fashionable and acceptable? bleck.

RIP horses and ponies. UG, the pharmacy is to blame. That's so sad.

Sign us up! Anyone want to shoot a movie in a cottage??

This is cool!

The Huckaby story gets scarier and scarier.

Fun! Make your own 12 Galaxies sign!

and last but not least, be sure to check out this video. It will make you feel very glad that you are you.

ttfn.

s.o.s.

still.trying.to.buy.house.
offer.number.9.on.the.table.
please.send.luck.

emotional roller coaster & a one-eyed dog

Okay, where do we sign up for the 1st time home buyers support group? Seriously.

You come across an article like this, read the comments, and your heart kind of explodes a little. Maybe renting (and paying for my landlord's Lexus SUV) isn't THAT bad? ARGGGGG!!!!

Oh, and we've could have written this.

anyway...

This video makes me want to sharpen the ends of rainbows and shoot them at these idiots. Lightning bolts!? Where are the volcanoes, tornadoes, and earthquakes the gays are responsible for too?



(don't they look so sad and concerned? maybe they should be more mad and concerned about this, this, this, or this. .)

PS. here are the audition tapes for that shitty video. So, wait...which one is really the doctor!??

And, really, today is pretty shitty all the way around. I had no idea that our staff morale ("morale") breakfast wasn't being paid for by our work, I keep hearing budget cuts, budget cuts, budget cuts (when is one gonna cut me??), and something that seemed hopeful (not a house, something else) may not be as hopeful anymore. sigh. what could make it better?

WINK could make it better. I feel in love with her last night. I really wanted to just take her home on the spot, but Puddin' would be so mad. Anyway...she's on my mind...

Dear Oakland,

Why do act like it's totally easy to buy a house w/in your boundaries, when in realty you are like a fortress? Just wondering.

******
Anyway...let's not talk about homes right now. I will just say one word though..as a mantra...built-ins. okay...

so what is happening out there?:

Vermont joins Iowa at thumbing its nose to the backwards bigots in CA.
They're actually probably pulling their fingers down their face, and saying "FACE!!!"

Truly sad, sad news about Sandra, who had been missing in Tracy. There is an evil person out there, and I hope they get what's coming to them. Especially if it ends up it's the pastor.

More evil people.

MORE EVIL PEOPLE. wtf is happening out there? How many men are going to kill their families and then themselves. Just kill yourselves, jerks, and leave your families to revel in your being gone.

She likes gays and Boston Terriers? I love her!!

O'Reilly is probably gay.

Yay, little cattle dog!

and I think i'll end with this:

tired. waiting. tired & waiting.

Dear blog,
I've been very busy lately, sorry I've been MIA. My sister and nephew came to visit, and they ran us ragged. Alcatraz, house hunting, kayaking, surfing, dog parks, brunch @ the Ritz...my 43 year old sister and 18 year old nephew have more energy than a pack of kittens.

Even Puddin had to sit down for some r&r time.



Anyway, we are anxiously awaiting to hear about a house we bid on Thursday. And I do mean anxiously. This one feels different for reasons I won't go into here, and I don't want to curse it. I just will continue to wait. Ug.

In the meantime, some distractions:

The worst thing ever. How did grandma not hear what was going on?? wtf.

I though I was going gray!

Yes, I'll marry you, Kathy Griffin!

Is she flagging a gay pride flag?

Ha! SJ, you're right. This is hilarious! Twitter, twatter.



okay, bye.

emotions

SAD THINGS:

RIP Natasha Richardson. What a cool woman. AIDS activist. and just seemed so very nice. Her death is just SAD.

The Parkway Speakeasy in Oakland is closing. NOO! Beer, pizza, couches and Rosemary's Baby. I have only been a few times, but we were really excited about the Parkway since we're eventually going to be living in Oakland.


COOL THINGS:



Redefining. or Defining, actually.



STUPID THINGS:

Gay guy and desperate wife are staying together! Christians everywhere rejoice!!

They are not interesting enough for a chart that follows the course of their relationship.

"Life Lessons from an Idiot" on sale soon.


FUNNY THINGS:

Weird facebook groups.


Meat baby.


HOPEFUL THINGS:

awesome things.

Sexy people. And lots of them.



A very, very friendly turtle:



a turtle..dog??

Chocolate, but not for your dogs.

This yard (we're going to look at sunday):



TOY FACTORY!

I AM HUNGRY. Seriously, this looks so good right now:



And...last but not least: Baby Weaves.

bye!

annoying things

1. Not getting your offer accepted on a house you want, despite the fact you bid $35,000 over asking.

2. "ninjas"


3. Dirty dishes in the work sink. It's always the same person, who thinks that if you complain about it, you "need a prescription."


well, i'm sick of seeing oatmeal floating around when i go prepare my lunch. so..



which reminds me, have you seen this site? LOVE IT.

4. bigots with money

5. in some states gays can't adopt, but .....

6. see #5

7. Again, we are less than.

8. See #7.

9. not being able to come into work at 9:30 like somepeople.

i think that's enough for one day, yeah?

waiting. and S&M masks.

Bid on house. Hello, bank? Do you like our offer? Could you let us know...thanks? We are developing ulcers. Call us, thanks, bye.


Things almost distracting me:

Po and Puddin' as S&M masks! This makes me laugh. (photo by Coyote)



This nutty kid:



This is fun. I didn't have enough patience for the whole rotation. I got hungry for sushi.

A bill named after Octomom.
Awesome.

Speaking of crazy parents. Is this the future of parenting? Next...drive-up orders.

I find it interesting that one of the smartest women in the world owns dogs that are known to be..well, not the brightest dogs in the park.

You know I love my Angie, but this is funny:" Salt is about some spy who pouts her lips a lot, shoots things and frowns whenever she's in a tricky situation. Same Angie shit. You can just call this shit Lara Smith Is Wanted In Sixty Seconds." tee hee!



If only the world was filled with unicorns, rainbows and pink dolphins. We're getting there!

okay, gonna take a bath. and gonna go dream of a house with 2 sinks.

houses and murders and stuff

i hate this.

you see a new house listing. goes something like this:

Remarks: BANK OWNED! 2 Beds 2 Bath w/ 1800+ sq.ft. living space (public record shows 2 beds 1.5 bath w/1147 sq. ft. permit unknown). This home has been completely rebuilt. Recessed lightning, Updated baths, Updated kitchen, Updated everything!!! With high ceilings, Arched entryways and spacious floorplan.

sounds great huh?!

you Google Street View it.
Looks okay!





price is right: $229,000.



but then you go to www.oaklandnet.com and do a crime search.
and you see this:


click to see larger. in the last 3 months, there were 3 car thefts right on the corner. ah, no thanks, i like my car. assaults, drugs, all kinds of fun things.

I came across this house today on a listing. i thought it was a typo before i looked at the picture. $49,000. yep. you heard right.



i don't even want to do a crime search on that one. But, the couch cushions out front really are nice, aren't they?


in other news:

Do I really want to take public transportation? Maybe not.

Dad is now asking for help because God implanted a load of babies into his daughter's belly. Oh, you mean God didn't do that? Hmm. And speaking of God...come on people. PLEASE.STOP.BREEDING. The crazy right wingnut population is already out of control. please. stop.

The chimp that attacked the woman (poor chimp, poor woman)..his owner..seems a little nuts, no? Oh, and the 911 operator who took the call, fire his ass. I think he actually laughs at her.

They better figure this shit out, pronto. I'm not kidding.

We have to watch this! HGTV Dream Home Giveaway 2009 airs: Sunday, Mar. 15 at 8/7c.
Because maybe we won!!! Hey, it could happen, we entered every day! But, I guess if we win, we won't be watching it on TV, we'll be there in the house.

This is minty fresh, and is making me ..sleep..y...zzz

and last but not least...someone's gonna fall off the couch!

bye!

back from the flu bed

(see monster link for artist info)

finally. that was a killer flu. eegads. anyway, moving on.

We made another offer on a home. A green craftsman. Really, really nice on a cute street. Our chances on winning the bid? Um, probably 76 to 1. Wish us luck.

things I'm seeing today:

Cool monstery kind of creatures!

Another missing girl. A trailer. A teenage babysitter/girlfriend. AND 44 registered sexual offenders who live within a five-mile radius?? WHAT?

I hope Gavin squashes this beotch.

I love dolphins (almost as much as I love sharks). Here's a story of dolphin friends that warms the heart. Get better soon, little guy!

I think it's funny that this story has been on sfgate's homepage for 2 days. So, of course I had to go watch video from the Wife Swap episode. It's true, the dude's a douche.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is no joke.

I want to be rich, but not this badly.

Look at these photos! Little pittie pumpkin faces!

Gotta run. we have a 1:00 meeting today. WHO SCHEDULES A 1:00 MEETING?

the flu, stomach knots, and other fun feelings

"Why didn't you get a flu shot!?" said my mom, but you know what...I'd rather have the real 24-hour thing than a low grade version coursing through my veins. Call me old-fashioned. But anyway, it's been an icky week all in all so far, and it's only wednesday.

The night the flu took over my soul, I had the worst dreams. See, we put a bid on a "fixer-upper" on Sunday, and the anxiety of the whole thing, combined with the stomach bug, made for a sweaty night of house nightmares. Eck, it was horrible. So, I'm glad to be coming out of that ordeal. We still haven't heard about the house, and the anxiety of not knowing either way has been taking its toll on me, that's for sure. "You don't look very good," said my coworker today. I couldn't argue.

Anyway, things catching my eye:

Ew, Ew, Ew, this is a terrible, horrible news story out of NY. "Police are retracing the route the van drove in attempt to find body parts, he said." oh, god.







I know SJ thinks I'm obsessed with the human puppy machine, but hey, it keeps getting weirder and weirder! Obsessed with Angelina! On food stamps! A website asking for donations!? Make sure to look at the old pictures of her. Once she was less crazy.





I'm glad a senior pup won the show, but I wish it had been a Terrier!

Pull to the right when you see this vehicle! Yikes!

I hate this guy. I bet there are some pissed off gay hounds waiting for him in hell.

Am i the only one that thinks that this guy Adam on American Idol looks JUST like Daniela Sea, Max from the L Word?




OMg, they are the same person!

okay, gotta run go get the wife from BART. buh buy.

a very old story

There's nothing like finding old stuff you wrote years ago. I find it amusing to read again, and slightly embarrassing, so of course, i want to share. Besides, I have to put something in this blog space, right?

I wrote this probably...I don't know...8-10 years ago? It's loosely based on actual events from my early gayhood. I edited it down (ie, I took out a really embarrassing scene).

This is called "Horror Films." Have fun reading it and then making fun of me. (Especially you, SJ)


Horror films? For a credit? Oh, hell yes. I signed up, along with my friend Andie. I had heard the teacher was kind of a kook. But, there were only two papers and one exam the whole semester, and I was a senior needing a credit, so it was a no-brainer. Besides, I loved horror films, and had yet to see Nosferatu. I was embarrassed by this. I had to take the class.

Andie and I sat close to the back, me on the aisle, checking out the girls. She was single, and I was living vicariously through her. My girlfriend is probably cooking dinner for me right now, I thought, as I pointed out a girl I thought Andie would think was cute. Her taste was quite different than mine—sporty jocky types. Me? I liked arty girls. Girls with glasses and short bobs tucked behind cute ears. Girls with big clunky shoes and striped socks. Girls with big bookbags and paint on their baggy jeans. Then how did I end up with a sporty jock type? Hmmm. Not sure. But anyway…

The professor got up in front of the audience, the seats still being filled by students as he began to talk.
“Welcome to the scariest, coolest class you will ever take, “ he said, as everyone murmured and giggled. “You will have to work at this class,” he continued, “as I expect you to be here, watch the films, and think.”


I can handle the first two, no problem, I thought…I’m so gonna pass! Plus, I was an English major, papers were cake for me.

The professor droned on, but all of a sudden, I didn’t hear what he was saying. A girl was standing about 3 feet in front of me, looking for an empty seat in the near-full theater. Her short black hair hit the nape of her neck, in a style that made me weak. She wore a black turtleneck and a short plaid skirt. Biker boots hugged her calves. I felt my heart literally skip as she turned her head, and I could see her beautiful, perfect nose and lips. I kicked Andie.

I watched her move up towards the front of the room, and inch her way down a crowded aisle. She sat, and disappeared from my sight.

“Did you see her? Oh my god!!” I whispered, as the lights started to dim.
“Pay attention to the movie,” Andie said, “think you can do that?”

I couldn’t. I found myself staring at the spot at the front of the room where I knew she was sitting during the entire movie. Nosferatu wasn’t nearly as interesting as I thought it would be. Not with her in the room.

At the end of the film, the lights went up and I practically stood, straining to get a glimpse of her.
“Jesus,” Andie said, “I’m so glad you’re into this class. It’s going to be a really long semester…”
“Ha ha.” I said. “It’s just that I’ve never seen her before. I mean, where has that girl been hiding?”
“Maybe it’s where you have been hiding, all happy with your girlfriend, huh?”
“Shut it.”
The class ended and I made Andie sit for a few minutes, as I looked for her to leave.
“Damn it, she must have left from the front exit,” I said, when it become obvious she wasn’t going to walk by us.
“Damn it,” Andie said, mocking me.
Andie gave me a ride home, and sure enough, my girlfriend had made me a wonderful dinner. I told her about the girl.
“You would have really thought she was hot,” I said, waiting for a response from her.
“Oh really?”
“Totally. She looks like Duff from MTV.”
“I don’t think Duff is all that hot,” she said, not biting. “But you do.”
“Yeah. So?” The conversation was short. And it seemed to be over.

The next week, Andie and I followed the girl out of the building. Andie was humoring me, I knew that, but my thrills were cheap. It’s not like I was going to DO anything with this girl. I just was curious about her. We lost her. I went home. My girlfriend asked me how class was, and how was the hot Duff look-alike. I told her fine. To both. I had learned my lesson the week before.

A few weeks later, my girlfriend and I went to the bar. The bar. The gay bar in Albuquerque that EVERYONE went to on “drink ticket” Thursday nights. Ten cent beer. It was quite popular, and all of my friends were out, despite it being a school night.
And….I know this is going to sound unrealistic, but it’s the goddamn truth—the girl was there. She was there. At the bar. With my friend Shay.

“What’s up?” Shay asked, as I tried to act cool. “This is my friend Melina. We work together.”

“Oh, hi.” I said, and before I could control my mouth, I continued. “I think you’re in my horror films class.” Oh great! The class had like 100 people in it.
“Yeah, I have that class,” she said. “It’s pretty cool, I like it.”
“Yeah, Nosferatu was pretty great.” God, I sounded like a dork.

I pulled Shay aside a few minutes later. “Okay, who is that? I said, “she’s so hot!”
“Melina?”
“Yeah, Melina.”
“Settle down, she has a boyfriend. But….she is…..curious.”
“Like it matters,” I said, looking over at my girlfriend, who was downing her 3rd beer.
“Yeah exactly. What are you even asking for?”
“Cause she’s HOT.”
“Want me to tell her you think so?” Shay asked.
“Uh, sure, why not.” Why the hell not? It didn’t matter. And I did. Think she was hot. And that was all. No harm.
“Okay, I will,” Shay said, and walked away.

A few minutes later, at the bar, the girl, Melina, walked up behind me.
“So, it’s too bad you’re involved, and your friend is straight,” she said, motioning to my friend Edie, who was indeed straight. And very attractive. And at the gay bar because she liked the attention.

I was speechless for a second. Did she really say that?

“Yeah, it is too bad she’s straight, “ I said, ignoring the first part of what she said. But, that small remark opened a flood gate for me, and I started to chat with her with more confidence. By the end of the night, we had exchanged numbers, and my girlfriend watched on. She, Melina, said she wanted her hair re-dyed, and I told her that was my specialty.

I came clean with my girlfriend, when we left the bar.

“So, that was the horror films girl.”
“Oh realllly?”
“And she wants me to dye her hair.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. Funny, huh?”
“You’re right. She’s really hot.” We exchanged a look.
“You think so?”
“Totally.”
“Told you. She asked if I would dye her hair for her.”
“Invite her over.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“Let’s have a bbq this weekend. Invite her.”
“Okay.”

This all made me a bit nervous, and I wondered why my girlfriend was being so nonchalant about the whole thing. But I did. I called her, from work. The next day. My voice sounded kinda funny, and luckily she didn’t know me well enough to notice. She said she’d come over for the barbeque. Oh god, the Horror Films girls was coming over to my house.


















I never had sexual fantasies about anyone. I had them about her. A lot. Her hands were on my shoulders and she was in her own world, moving on me, using me. When she opened her dark brown eyes, I closed mine, as I couldn’t stand to look at her. It was too overwhelming. But I wanted nothing more than to be whatever she wanted me to be. It was all about her, and my attraction to her wiped everything else clean. And she was, then, everything.


She was standing behind me, in the kitchen, as I cut vegetables for skewers. My girlfriend was outside, with some of our friends, lighting the grill. I felt like I was doing something wrong, but I wasn’t even looking at her. I couldn’t.
“Your girlfriend seems nice.” She said.
“Yeah, she’s nice.”
“She’s cute too.”
“Yeah, you think so?”
“You’re both very cute.”
I kept cutting the zucchini. Fast and furiously. The door opened and my girlfriend and her friend walked in. The grill was ready, we were told.


We hung out several times, the three of us. It felt strange, as I saw my girlfriend watching me, watching her. We never talked about it, my girlfriend and I. But, when she said her name, Melina, there was a bit of a smirk in it. I couldn’t tell if it was jealousy or mocking. About a month later, a group of us went out for drinks at the bar. Melina was there was Shay. We all were drinking, a lot.

“So. Do you want to bring her home,” my girlfriend asked, slurring a bit, motioning towards Melina.
“Why are you asking me that?”
“Because I know you do.”
I looked her in the eye. “Would that really be okay?”
“It would be fun.”
“Fun?”
“I’d do it for you.”
“For me?”
“Just once. I think we could be okay, if it were just once.”

She walked over to Melina and they talked for a bit. I drank my vodka tonic, feeling nauseous, confused, excited. What if it happened? I didn’t want my girlfriend there. That was the honest truth. I wanted to be the only one touching her, the Horror Films girl. But, I knew that would never happen. I had never cheated on my girlfriend, and didn’t have it in me to ever do it. This was going to be how it happened, if it happened.

And when my girlfriend walked back to me, it was clear it was, indeed, going to happen.
The evening was still young, and there were many more drinks to be had.

“Hey Prudence,” I heard in my ear. That would be my friend Mitch, the only person who called me Prudence.

“Hey. I didn’t know you’d be out. I thought you were working.” Mitch was a bartender at a bar downtown. She was beautifully androgynous, with short black hair, tattoos peaking out from her sleeves, and a reputation for being easy to have but impossible to keep. There was a time she had had a piece of my own heart, but our friendship was more important, and we both knew it. I loved her like a sister.

“Hey, so, Melina is here?” She knew about my crush, and had met Melina through Shay at about the same time I did.

“Yeah.”

That’s all I was going to say. I was embarrassed to tell her anything more.
“She looks really good.”
“Yeah.”


And then I saw it all happen, like my very own horror film, with me playing Jamie Lee Curtis. Mitch talking to Melina, buying her a drink, going outside to smoke with her. Mitch was smooth, and I knew her well enough to know exactly what she was doing.

And I knew she had no idea what she was doing to me at that very moment. And she couldn’t hear my screaming, because it was all inside my own head. Along with the fuzzy edges thanks to several drinks, my mind whirled with the disappointment of watching the girl I coveted being seduced by a girl who had no girlfriend, and no fear.
I glanced over at my girlfriend, downing her 4th drink. She was oblivious to it all. I hated her that second, because I was evil and horrible and self-absorbed. That’s the only way to explain it really. I was losing something I never had, and it made me feel desperately angry.

I saw them leave together. A large knife slid deep into my heart, into my groin, into my head. I left soon after, with my drunk, walking-zombie of a girlfriend.

“Where did Melina go?” she asked.
“One guess.”
“Oh. Yeah. I saw Mitch talking to her. Yeah.”

That was the end of the discussion. We drove home silently. She went to bed. I got on my computer and started my paper, “The Role of Women as Villain in Horror Films.”

Where to begin?

desktop photos

these images just happen to be hanging out on my desktop for some reason or another. thought i'd share. maybe it will shed some light on my psyche.

Stains, Monster Trucks, and Mildewy Butter

this blog is for Jane, the only person who ever asks me when I'm posting my next blog!

so, here we go...

This is really cool. Were you at the Inaugural? Are you sure? Look for yourself here! I hope you weren't picking your nose. Boy, that photo machine sure is powerful.

Want to make a statement about Bart Police? This tee could do it.

This is very, very sad. I never knew Paco the pit, but had seen pictures of him, as he was the Paco behind Paco Collars. RIP little dude. And, to his parents...our hearts break with yours.

Peanut Butter mildew. Just writing that makes me a little pukey. Maybe I will throw away that peanut butter i have at work that I bought at the janky-ass Foods Co. across from my work. I actually bought a jar of Goober...what was I thinking?!!!

This story is just too bizarre (watch the whole video). What are the odds? And, no more Monster Truck Rallys for me, I tell you! (that won't be too much of a sacrifice).

Any dog named Stains is automatically awesome. A dog named Stains who stares at cupcakes...Hot Slut of the Week.



Disneyland is not always the happiest place on earth. (my managers, take note. Disney training can only get you so far.)

And, last but not least. The house hunting is back on. Slow and steady wins the race. We're just starting to look. Check THIS out. Cute, huh? I think we're going to go check it out.



until later. peaceoutbye.

Heart. Happy.

click here for the update on Princess aka Dandelion aka Danni.